Walking towards the church premises adjusting my knee length black lace dress I've kept long in my box since my mum handed it over to me as a graduation gift;
awaiting a day like this at the same time fixing one of my favorite Rayban shades I had chosen to be in disguise allowing it rest properly on my face above my nose; I was in character atleast that's what my mum made me understood, mum was an entirely different person once she stepped into the church premises or amongst her church friends, praising the Lord and everything revolves only about Jesus.
I have always felt uncomfortable going to church because I felt I was been watched, it made me feel vulnerable and hypocritical; doing what was expected of me as a born again when deep down inside I barely understood what it felt like been Christian. For me church life was hard work; trying not to think about that boy I was having a crush on because I felt I would die at the spot and rut in hell, atleast that's what my mama made me believe, or wearing big hats and oversized shapeless dress all in the name of decency ?
Hmmhmmm I wasn't about that life and I just couldn't wait to be free from my Mum and that's more reason I had worked hard so I'd go to college and be very far far away from my Mama and my best friend Grace.
About Grace I don't know if I'd be excited to see her if I run into her.
Still trying to comprehend why I drove all the way down to church on a Sunday morning when I should be at home thinking how I'm gonna fix the situation at work, my relationship with Lucas which I've been trying so hard not to think about or...... Okay never mind I've a whole lot going on with me.
The whole environment felt like a movie scene to me at first, each and every one was in character, both young and old, men and women; All troubles put aside just to come hear the word of God and Praise him. Within this premises you feel like you're been watched by one and only powerful God.
I was greeted and handed a leaflet and an envelope by one of the friendly Usher's who was draped in Yellow starched sleeved shirt and Green plited skirts. Settling down and sitted next to an older lady who seemed to be in her late 50's I let out a sigh still yet trying to comprehend why I am in Church.
The atmosphere was peaceful, not a spiritual girl but I felt at peace with myself, words of praise filled the entire building as the choir ministered. I felt strange. It felt like I was out of this world entirely because I felt strange but at peace with no worries even though there was alot to worry about. Not too long the pastor stepped into the Altar and there was alot of screaming going on, people jumping and I was just trying to understand why the excitement by the mere sight of a Pastor, he's human too ain't he?
Pastor Lance Jorda then delivered his message. It just wasn't the message i listened to but the excitement in his eyes and the profound joy he couldnt hide as he spoke about Jesus. I have seen such excitement before in my Mum and in my bestie Grace and I got pissed because it's a feeling I could not understand but right now watching pastor Lance teach the word of God I was bent on experiencing that feeling even though I frowned at most of the conditions he had given to been closer to the almighty father.
I almost laughed out loud when he talked about fornicating, the woman besides me just gave me a judgemental look.... OMG I felt transparent and just wanted to laugh but I just smiled afraid God would strike me for distracting the Man of God; but there again I couldn't help but wonder if I was the only victim of fornication because everyone seemed so serious listening to the Man of God.
When the pastor called out for the likes of myself to come give my life to Jesus, I don't know why I had to lift my hands up but I was broken and lost and the Man of God had promised Jesus can fix me, I was scared, it's big deal for me but I was willing to take this step just because I had lost hold of the wheel. Standing up I felt shamed but who cares I don't know any one here I hope, this time around.
The woman besides me gave me a warm welcoming smile and shook my hands as she said
"Welcome to the family, your life would never remain the same..... "
Ouch!!!
Okay it was as if the usher who came to help me towards the Altar sensed what was going through my mind because for a second I felt I was making a huge mistake and should just walk out of here. Probably Nina was right I'm allowing the pressure from work and my relationship get to me and all of a sudden running to the church so I'd escape from my Reality, and the best welcome message I'd gotten was that
'my life would not remain the same? '
awaiting a day like this at the same time fixing one of my favorite Rayban shades I had chosen to be in disguise allowing it rest properly on my face above my nose; I was in character atleast that's what my mum made me understood, mum was an entirely different person once she stepped into the church premises or amongst her church friends, praising the Lord and everything revolves only about Jesus.
I have always felt uncomfortable going to church because I felt I was been watched, it made me feel vulnerable and hypocritical; doing what was expected of me as a born again when deep down inside I barely understood what it felt like been Christian. For me church life was hard work; trying not to think about that boy I was having a crush on because I felt I would die at the spot and rut in hell, atleast that's what my mama made me believe, or wearing big hats and oversized shapeless dress all in the name of decency ?
Hmmhmmm I wasn't about that life and I just couldn't wait to be free from my Mum and that's more reason I had worked hard so I'd go to college and be very far far away from my Mama and my best friend Grace.
About Grace I don't know if I'd be excited to see her if I run into her.
Still trying to comprehend why I drove all the way down to church on a Sunday morning when I should be at home thinking how I'm gonna fix the situation at work, my relationship with Lucas which I've been trying so hard not to think about or...... Okay never mind I've a whole lot going on with me.
The whole environment felt like a movie scene to me at first, each and every one was in character, both young and old, men and women; All troubles put aside just to come hear the word of God and Praise him. Within this premises you feel like you're been watched by one and only powerful God.
I was greeted and handed a leaflet and an envelope by one of the friendly Usher's who was draped in Yellow starched sleeved shirt and Green plited skirts. Settling down and sitted next to an older lady who seemed to be in her late 50's I let out a sigh still yet trying to comprehend why I am in Church.
The atmosphere was peaceful, not a spiritual girl but I felt at peace with myself, words of praise filled the entire building as the choir ministered. I felt strange. It felt like I was out of this world entirely because I felt strange but at peace with no worries even though there was alot to worry about. Not too long the pastor stepped into the Altar and there was alot of screaming going on, people jumping and I was just trying to understand why the excitement by the mere sight of a Pastor, he's human too ain't he?
Pastor Lance Jorda then delivered his message. It just wasn't the message i listened to but the excitement in his eyes and the profound joy he couldnt hide as he spoke about Jesus. I have seen such excitement before in my Mum and in my bestie Grace and I got pissed because it's a feeling I could not understand but right now watching pastor Lance teach the word of God I was bent on experiencing that feeling even though I frowned at most of the conditions he had given to been closer to the almighty father.
I almost laughed out loud when he talked about fornicating, the woman besides me just gave me a judgemental look.... OMG I felt transparent and just wanted to laugh but I just smiled afraid God would strike me for distracting the Man of God; but there again I couldn't help but wonder if I was the only victim of fornication because everyone seemed so serious listening to the Man of God.
When the pastor called out for the likes of myself to come give my life to Jesus, I don't know why I had to lift my hands up but I was broken and lost and the Man of God had promised Jesus can fix me, I was scared, it's big deal for me but I was willing to take this step just because I had lost hold of the wheel. Standing up I felt shamed but who cares I don't know any one here I hope, this time around.
The woman besides me gave me a warm welcoming smile and shook my hands as she said
"Welcome to the family, your life would never remain the same..... "
Ouch!!!
Okay it was as if the usher who came to help me towards the Altar sensed what was going through my mind because for a second I felt I was making a huge mistake and should just walk out of here. Probably Nina was right I'm allowing the pressure from work and my relationship get to me and all of a sudden running to the church so I'd escape from my Reality, and the best welcome message I'd gotten was that
'my life would not remain the same? '
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